Sweet Surrender

As a Christian, as a "Christ FOLLOWER" we are called to surrender it ALL to him! ALL - that is a big, huge word, and if I am being totally honest, it's really hard to let go. Do we honestly think that WE can do better than what God would do in our lives? When we still hold onto things, it means we are still depending on ourselves to help deliver us, but when we let it go, and give it to him, that means that we are completely trusting that no matter what the outcome, God is in CONTROL and that HE will deliver us!!

I had a situation that started last May, and it was a big, life changing situation. See, 8 years ago, I would have had NO problem doing what we did, and I would have never prayed over it with a prayerful heart and I would have NEVER surrendered it, ever. But, because I have come to know the Lord, and have come to TRUST in him, he has been showing me more and more!

I was very prayerful about this situation, and had found out that we would need to do somethings that go against what I believe in order for it to workout - this was how the system worked (sounded way too backward to me). I prayed and prayed; asking God what I was to do. I heard him say "surrender... surrender what you have and I will take hold."

I remember when we had made that decision - the decision to LET GO - it was a sweet moment. And I can tell you, from that point, to today, when it all ended, I never once was caught up in a worry moment. I was at complete peace that God was in control, COMPLETE control. There were quite a few hiccups along the way and I felt satan come in, and TRY hard to get me scared, worried and nervous. But you know what, I stopped, and would pray, "God you have had this from the start - I have put my complete faith and trust in you over this, whatever the outcome, I am prepared for it and I know that no matter the outcome, the outcome came from you!!"

It was as tho, this wasn't my problem anymore, I was just here as a representative, (laugh) does that make sense. I was completely delivered from any worry or fear. As everything came to a close today, I stood in awe, "that's it, we are done? it was really soooooo smooth".  I know I said there were hiccups, but that was to be expected, it could have gone SO MUCH WORSE - this was a dream compared to how it COULD have been. Had I done this on my own, without the complete surrender, it would have been a nightmare and I am MOST certain of that!!!!

I really can not THANK God enough for all that his hand was on in the last 9 months - This is the second time now, that I have surrendered two MAJOR issues to him and the outcome was just SWEET! SO I have to call this "sweet surrender". If there is something holding you down, if there is something you haven't given him, stop right now, and pray for it - pray for the complete surrender. He wants to take that from you, he wants to ease your load!!! Pray for God's will to be done, no matter what, and it HONESTLY will be done.

Really, I don't want to stope typing, I am just so over joyed with what he is doing in my life, run after your Sweet Surrender today, it's really that SWEET!

For granted.

Did you get up this morning, turn off your alarm clock, that woke you up with music playing? Then head off to the shower, turning on the water, letting it run so it can warm up. Did you get in and wash up your body, your hair, with wonderful smelling soaps and shampoos. Only to get out, and wrap yourself in a plush, comfortable towel. Then headed off to your closet to look through what seems like an endless amount of shirts, then over to the drawer to find the right color pair of pants to go with that shirt. Making your way over to sit down and put on socks and shoes.

Then, did you maybe head downstairs to the kitchen, where you looked through a fridge that had MANY items, but you thought to yourself "there is nothing here to eat"? Only to wind up stopping for fast food on your way to work, in your heated car?

Well, this is just a small fraction of what one of my days typically looks like. I wonder how similar it is to yours?

How many things can you point out in this short little story, that we take for granted? I can count the following:

1.) the electricity that powers the alarm clock

2.) a bed to sleep in

3.) running water (clean)

4.) soaps and shampoos

5.) towels

6.) over abundance of clothes

7.) socks

8.) SHOES (probably more than 1 pair too)

9.) frige

10.) food in the fridge

11.) money to get fast food

12.) a car

13.) if you are driving there must be gas

14.) a house

OK so you get the picture right? We, you and I, have SO much to be thankful for. Seriously. Even if you are living paycheck to paycheck like most americans, you have SO MUCH to be thankful for.

I am really trying to turn a new leaf. I am sick to my stomach over thinking about ALL I take for granted. But I am going to start working on being truly THANKFUL and THANKING GOD for specific things he has given and blessed me with daily.

I am going to shoot for 5 different things everyday, to THANK GOD for. I am starting today!

God, I am so thankful for my salvation, my husband, my two miracle babies, my house and my beautiful van. And then tomorrow, I will come up with 5 more things I am thankful for... I am going to start recording all these in my "Thankful Notebook".

Then, when I feel like the world around me is crashing down, and nothing is going right, everything is flipped upside down. I can grab that book, and start reading. I can start reading about ALL that I DO HAVE to smile about. I am really hopeful that this will help me change my attitude toward things.

When I think about ALL the people who live in POVERTY, and have so LITTLE, or NOTHING... and then I get upset when I can't go out and buy a new pair of pants, because I am bored with the ones I have? UGH, really? I want to lose this behavior, I would like for it to be gone forever :)

Toby Mac has a song, probably a favorite of mine - "I don't want to gain the whole world and lose my soul..." I do not want to be so consumed with the things of this world, that I miss the bigger picture!

I AM blessed, and I AM thankful!!!

Regret, ever have it?

In May 2002, on the 15th, I lost one of my brothers at the age of 20. It's sort of a numbing feeling... we weren't always the closest, and I think once we lose a close relative, like a sibling, we want to make believe we were a lot closer than we really were. But there are still lots of regrets...

Growing up, Jesse was always the goof ball. He was always well liked, had lots of girlfriends and was the class clown. As a brother tho, he was a little different. He was always picking on me, and at times, would hurt my feelings, which I guess is what brothers and sisters do?! LOL, but he was still my brother and we did have some things that we bonded over, like sports.

While he would never pick me for a sports team, because I was a "girl" I knew that he thought I could hold my own, by the things he would do and say. When going to college, I wanted to become a sports journalist (broadcaster) and I remember when he saw my demo tape, he thought that was just the coolest thing!!! He couldn't believe that his sister was going to be a sports broadcaster... I remember him telling his friends about it, lol, it was really sweet. (I am not a sports broadcaster, that dream died with college). I have another fun memory, I remember that for a couple years in a row, we were starting to make a little tradition out of watching the home run derby together every year, it was something we really enjoyed doing :)

Jesse and I, while very different, we were a lot of the same and I think in many ways we suffered from the same things. Jesse up until around the age of 13-14, was a premier athlete, good student and really popular. And while a whole lot didn't change after 14, he started to get mixed up in other things, and all of the great things Jesse had going started to fall away. He started to become a kid who was always getting into trouble, he was mixed up with the wrong things... I think that most of my anger toward Jesse came from his bad behavior, and the attention that was taken from the rest of us, and always given to him.  It was really frustrating... (I can't go into a lot of detail here, we'd be here for hours) but I think that I started to build up this wall of anger toward Jesse, and the anger turned into resentment. To the point that when I would drive him back home to my moms, after he would come stay the weekend, we would say nothing to one another on the 15 minute car ride, he would say "bye" as he got out, and that was it.

I remember one day tho, that I was driving him home, I could tell he was really trying to talk to me, and I wasn't really having anything to do with it, showing VERY little interest in what he was saying. We pulled up in front of my moms, and he said, "hey, you know Denzel Washington has that new movie out, John Q, do you think you might want to go see that with me sometime?" I remember saying, with sort of a surprise, "yeah, that's cool. I will call you and let you know what my work schedule is and we can plan something." He said "OK, love you Megan.."

Well, as the story goes, this was the last time I really remember talking to my brother. This was a couple months before he died... we never saw the movie, I never called him, because I was TOO BUSY! I won't tell you that I think about this EVERY day, but I think about it all too OFTEN, and it hurts me deeply that I would brush him off like that. I have such REGRET over this, I have such PAIN over this, I have never seen the movie and every time I even see that it's on, I replay the whole conversation over again. I am crying as I write this, but it pains me to think that I couldn't carve out 2.5 hours to go and see a movie with my brother, a brother who is no longer here for me to make it up too.

It hurts me when I try really hard to get family together, see people and the effort isn't returned. I think that I try so hard, because I don't want to have that regret feeling if something happens! I have a busy life too, and I think that we all do, but there are some things that shouldn't pass us by. I think I needed to write this to help me heal after almost 11 years, but I am really going to make a HUGE effort to stop and MAKE the time for people that are important. I think honestly, it's too important not too. Jesse's death was a HUGE shock to all of us, it was not something we had been anticipating and that can be any one of us at any time.

So Jesse, if you can hear me, I am sorry, I am sorry I didn't take 2.5 hours out of my busy schedule to go with you to the movies. I am sorry we couldn't have spent that time together, it makes me sad and I am hopeful that I will see you again in heaven and when I get there, there will be a giant, huge hug with your name on it. I miss you brother. I am glad tho, that this memory has inspired me to step up my game! Love, Megan